the love i allot for someone, unideal as it may seem, will always have a limit. sometimes i ponder on all the things i've done and given for the person i love and wonder why it's still not enough for him to realize my significance. I have been Disappointed and broken many times but i continue to understand him. My mind thinks of letting go,but my heart embraces him tighter... i am confused and hurt, as he has always left me... i feel like there is nothing left of me to recover my life. i have done my part and as the saying goes "if you love someone, let him go...if he returns, he is yours, if he doesn't, he never were". a new journey is affixed in me now, to reconstruct what has been shattered... to piece the bits and pieces of myself, of my heart. to start all over and be a better me...so the next time i meet him, he'll see the real woman he has given up on. A woman who has loved and got hurt, but despite that, managed to be whole and continues to love...
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
cycle of life
Saturday night(april 5), i had coffee with sarah, ruth and papa ed. i haven't seen them quite some time because everyone was so busy with work and family. i somewhat miss our high school days when we saw each other everyday. we had lunch together, copied assignments from each other, hung out and gossiped during class (hehe. those were the days). Now, it's all different. some have a family and child to take care of, others focus on their blooming careers. it's obvious that our priorities now are different. Even our conversations had gone profound; from talking about hotties to discussing financial concerns, from petty girlish issues to serious family matters, etc.
you can see the prominent physical, emotional, psychological and even spiritual growth of each of us. you can also see the burden in grown ups' eyes, fatigue from work and family. i miss our innocent, smiling eyes when we told of our shallow/unforgettable experiences when we were younger. at the same time, i am also glad that we are full grown ups now. because now, we have a different understanding of things, a much deeper understanding of why things are the way they are. they say, we have more wisdom because of age and experience. we act maturely and decide rationally now.
when i think about it, is it really a blessing to mature and become wiser with age? they say that the older you get, the more freedom you have...but is this true? is an adult more free compared to an innocent child?
*an adult decides based on rationale while a child decides based on impulse - who has more freedom? everyone will excuse a child but not an adult who lives under the dictates of a society.
*wisdom or innocence - which do you prefer? with wisdom, you are bound to your conscience and to the ripple effect of your actions to others. on the other hand, if you are an innocent child, you are excused in whatever you do.
i know that this is the cycle of life - born, mature, then die. many desire to gain knowledge and wisdom but for me, i still (somehow) desire the life of a child; innocent from all the misdoings of the society and freedom (in the sense of having freedom from guilt) in anything you do.
you can see the prominent physical, emotional, psychological and even spiritual growth of each of us. you can also see the burden in grown ups' eyes, fatigue from work and family. i miss our innocent, smiling eyes when we told of our shallow/unforgettable experiences when we were younger. at the same time, i am also glad that we are full grown ups now. because now, we have a different understanding of things, a much deeper understanding of why things are the way they are. they say, we have more wisdom because of age and experience. we act maturely and decide rationally now.
when i think about it, is it really a blessing to mature and become wiser with age? they say that the older you get, the more freedom you have...but is this true? is an adult more free compared to an innocent child?
*an adult decides based on rationale while a child decides based on impulse - who has more freedom? everyone will excuse a child but not an adult who lives under the dictates of a society.
*wisdom or innocence - which do you prefer? with wisdom, you are bound to your conscience and to the ripple effect of your actions to others. on the other hand, if you are an innocent child, you are excused in whatever you do.
i know that this is the cycle of life - born, mature, then die. many desire to gain knowledge and wisdom but for me, i still (somehow) desire the life of a child; innocent from all the misdoings of the society and freedom (in the sense of having freedom from guilt) in anything you do.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
crony day (but i met a hottie! hehe)
my tuesday flight was in hongkong and i flew it with laine, harold, and *jonas. ;)
we were delayed due to generator problems in the domestic airport so we had to wait for two hours. i kind of messed up big time since they assigned me as R1 - the one in charge of the flight deck and crew meals. and since i never really reviewed the duties of an R1, i wasn't able to do my job well - i forgot to heat the crew meals; i didn't give the crew their drinks and food; i forgot our first officer's take home meal, etc. in short, i screwed up. hehe. good thing they were all nice ( not to mention that one of them is exceptionally cute :D hahaha! ) anyway, to sum everything up, my day went well. i had fun during the flight (harold is definitely the KING of fun flight games! :) ) and i knew more about other FAs. ( corny noh... haven't gone out of town in a while e)
anyway, im planning on touring (naks!) san juan, batangas with grace, carlo, tammy and mai.
it's not yet definite but were making plans already for this weekend. i hope we can push through with this because i'm really itching to go out of town. hehe.
we were delayed due to generator problems in the domestic airport so we had to wait for two hours. i kind of messed up big time since they assigned me as R1 - the one in charge of the flight deck and crew meals. and since i never really reviewed the duties of an R1, i wasn't able to do my job well - i forgot to heat the crew meals; i didn't give the crew their drinks and food; i forgot our first officer's take home meal, etc. in short, i screwed up. hehe. good thing they were all nice ( not to mention that one of them is exceptionally cute :D hahaha! ) anyway, to sum everything up, my day went well. i had fun during the flight (harold is definitely the KING of fun flight games! :) ) and i knew more about other FAs. ( corny noh... haven't gone out of town in a while e)
anyway, im planning on touring (naks!) san juan, batangas with grace, carlo, tammy and mai.
it's not yet definite but were making plans already for this weekend. i hope we can push through with this because i'm really itching to go out of town. hehe.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
who we missed
mia~anna~kristein~jerica*mia & kristine(pronounced as kristeyn)*
girls, we so miss you! how i wish you were with us on our special day.
mwah!
btw, flight #s 345 and 389 are kalibo and cagayan de oro respectively
my flights on tuesday :327&965
girls, we so miss you! how i wish you were with us on our special day.
mwah!
btw, flight #s 345 and 389 are kalibo and cagayan de oro respectively
my flights on tuesday :327&965
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Graduation day / Typical Lecture day
Actually, our official graduation day will be on March 24, 2008. We decided to celebrate it today, 19th of March 2008 because on our official grad day, most of us will be having our first official flight =) They "briefed" us, which was an exaggeratedly stretched briefing which lasted till 6 in the evening, about rules and regulations of the company. Instead of inspiring us, they actually scared us. I was scared of not being able to meet their standards. This made me think twice if I can really live up to this kind of environment - full of RULES. I, ever since, was a silent rebel. The fact that i have to adhere to their policies sent tingles on my nerves. Is this the end of my happy go lucky / laid back days?! Am i ready to give up that kind of lifestyle? They will definitely cut my horns and it makes me shiver. The mere thought of succumbing to someone makes me want to turn back and run away. Am i ready to be responsible? Well, i should have been decades ago but God gave me ample time to enjoy my youth. Now is my time to change. This is an opportunity but it scares me.
Today was still fun and i cherished every moment in the classroom. It is one of the last days i will be spending with my sistahs. Once we start working, it will be a totally new adjustment for all of us. At present, there are 292 cabin attendants working in Cebu Pacific and we are required to work with each of them. Imagine the adjustments we have to do just to get along with each one. They say seniority is a no-no in ceb pac but in reality, there is. From what i have heard, most of them will take advantage of new cabin attendants. They will test you, as if you're a monkey; they'll let you go through thorough briefings; they'll tell you to do most of the work in the cabin, etc. Luckily, i haven't been teamed up with such.
Tomorrow we'll be having ANOTHER TEDIOUS TRAINING of our new aircraft - the atr. This is the one we use for destinations with shorter runways. It definitely looks cute with propellers but nauseating once you ride it.hehe. It's small so it's easily tilted by strong wind - just a theory.hehe.haven't ridden it yet.
Anyway, i was already given an assignment for this coming Monday, flight numbers 345 and 389. I'm not yet sure where those flights are headed. hay... i don't want to work this coming Monday. I was hoping for a vacation before i start my flourishing career.hehe. Oh well. I can't do anything about this now...good luck to me!
Today was still fun and i cherished every moment in the classroom. It is one of the last days i will be spending with my sistahs. Once we start working, it will be a totally new adjustment for all of us. At present, there are 292 cabin attendants working in Cebu Pacific and we are required to work with each of them. Imagine the adjustments we have to do just to get along with each one. They say seniority is a no-no in ceb pac but in reality, there is. From what i have heard, most of them will take advantage of new cabin attendants. They will test you, as if you're a monkey; they'll let you go through thorough briefings; they'll tell you to do most of the work in the cabin, etc. Luckily, i haven't been teamed up with such.
Tomorrow we'll be having ANOTHER TEDIOUS TRAINING of our new aircraft - the atr. This is the one we use for destinations with shorter runways. It definitely looks cute with propellers but nauseating once you ride it.hehe. It's small so it's easily tilted by strong wind - just a theory.hehe.haven't ridden it yet.
Anyway, i was already given an assignment for this coming Monday, flight numbers 345 and 389. I'm not yet sure where those flights are headed. hay... i don't want to work this coming Monday. I was hoping for a vacation before i start my flourishing career.hehe. Oh well. I can't do anything about this now...good luck to me!
Monday, March 17, 2008
stressed
hay...nasan ka ba? bakit kung kelan kailangan kita, saka ka naman hindi ngpaparamdam?
alam mo ba na sobrang kinakabahan ako ngayon dahil may rated flight ulit ako bukas?...
sobrang daming kailangan aralin. hindi ko na nga alam kung alin ang uunahin ko... ang totoo nyan, na-aral ko naman lahat, kaya lang dahil sa sobrang dami, halo-halo na sa utak ko ung mga dapat i-memorize. buong linggo na akong ganito. hindi makatulog at makakain, talo ko pa ang heart-broken. nakakapagod na nga ito e. masaya ung trabaho pero nakakapagod ung ganitong pakiramdam...kailan ulit kaya ako makakapag-pahinga? ung tipong walang iniisip at pinoproblemang cabin crew supervisor na mag-grade sa trabaho ko. kung makikita mo nga ako ngayon, sobrang pagod ng mga mata ko. kahit araw-araw ako mg-stresstabs, parang walang epekto. mukha pa rin akong sabog.(hehe. kya buti na lang hindi tayo ngkikita)
pagkatapos nga ng rated flight na ito, meron nanaman akong training sa bagong eroplano. at syempre, may rated flight nanaman ako dun. parang walang katapusan ung pamomroblema ko sa mga paglipad na ito. hay... hindi bale, sandali na lang ito. kaya ko to! makakatulog din ako ng mahimbing na may kasama pang sobrang lakas na hilik at tulo ng laway.hehehe.
sige na, mgpapaalam na ako. sana maging mahimbing ang pagtulog natin ngayon. paalam!
alam mo ba na sobrang kinakabahan ako ngayon dahil may rated flight ulit ako bukas?...
sobrang daming kailangan aralin. hindi ko na nga alam kung alin ang uunahin ko... ang totoo nyan, na-aral ko naman lahat, kaya lang dahil sa sobrang dami, halo-halo na sa utak ko ung mga dapat i-memorize. buong linggo na akong ganito. hindi makatulog at makakain, talo ko pa ang heart-broken. nakakapagod na nga ito e. masaya ung trabaho pero nakakapagod ung ganitong pakiramdam...kailan ulit kaya ako makakapag-pahinga? ung tipong walang iniisip at pinoproblemang cabin crew supervisor na mag-grade sa trabaho ko. kung makikita mo nga ako ngayon, sobrang pagod ng mga mata ko. kahit araw-araw ako mg-stresstabs, parang walang epekto. mukha pa rin akong sabog.(hehe. kya buti na lang hindi tayo ngkikita)
pagkatapos nga ng rated flight na ito, meron nanaman akong training sa bagong eroplano. at syempre, may rated flight nanaman ako dun. parang walang katapusan ung pamomroblema ko sa mga paglipad na ito. hay... hindi bale, sandali na lang ito. kaya ko to! makakatulog din ako ng mahimbing na may kasama pang sobrang lakas na hilik at tulo ng laway.hehehe.
sige na, mgpapaalam na ako. sana maging mahimbing ang pagtulog natin ngayon. paalam!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
inconsiderate jeepney drivers
earlier this afternoon, my dad and i went to cavite to settle land taxation expenses. on our way home, we decided to drive thru jollibee. unfortunately, we weren't able to buy their most exquisitely tasting tuna pie (i love!)
due to the long line of cars in the drive way. sadly, we decided to just head home. while my dad was backing the car, a jeep along the side of the road was waiting for passengers. my dad decided to overtake him because a van was coming our way, when the driver saw us try to move past him, he suddenly hit the gas and stopped in the middle of the road to load an old lady with a kid. our car ended up blocking the whole road. the jeepney driver could have just stopped further to let us pass and he should have loaded those passengers at the side of the road and not in the middle of it which definitely caused traffic.
hay naku, these drivers feel like they are the king of the road. they stop wherever and whenever they want. how inconsiderate of them! hay...patience...patience...and understanding... when you think about it, is it because of their status? is it merely because of poverty or lack of education?
a broken mirror
for a long time i've been pretending that deep inside someone truly cared about me. defending and justifying his actions were what i did even if i knew better . he never really said that he loved me, he was just trying to be nice... too bad i assumed it was love he was showing. all i did was assume. unlucky me, i misunderstood. stupid me, i gave him all. i loved. i loved deeply and all i gained was mountains of hurt and pain. i couldn't really blame him because it was i who was foolish. it was i who trusted easily. it was i who was blinded. he's just a typical guy, trying to please, trying to be nice, trying to befriend. and i was just a typical girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.
Many times i have tried to surpass this love-black hole but a black hole is a black hole. nothing escapes it, not even the light you try to envelope yourself with. i guess i will carry this burdensome feeling forever; but i still hope these feelings of angst and hate towards him will change back into love and friendship. i don't like suppressing feelings of anger but that is all i can do because if i tell him, i will engrave in him more pain. I hurt him many times already with my sharp words, sometimes they are unjustifiable because i'm unable to explain what it is that i really feel. every time we talk, we end up pointing fingers as to whose fault it was. we highlight each other's mistakes and we never resolved anything.
i just hope that the next time i see him all these will change. i hope we can have pleasant, sincere conversations because this is all that i dream of. i hope i can forgive and forget, i hope he can also do the same. our stained relationship is like a mirror, broken into a million pieces and impossible to be glued back together to show a perfect reflection. now all it can show is a distorted image of two people who loved and got hurt. reality is pessimistic but my dream is optimistic... i strongly believe that dreams do come true.
Many times i have tried to surpass this love-black hole but a black hole is a black hole. nothing escapes it, not even the light you try to envelope yourself with. i guess i will carry this burdensome feeling forever; but i still hope these feelings of angst and hate towards him will change back into love and friendship. i don't like suppressing feelings of anger but that is all i can do because if i tell him, i will engrave in him more pain. I hurt him many times already with my sharp words, sometimes they are unjustifiable because i'm unable to explain what it is that i really feel. every time we talk, we end up pointing fingers as to whose fault it was. we highlight each other's mistakes and we never resolved anything.
i just hope that the next time i see him all these will change. i hope we can have pleasant, sincere conversations because this is all that i dream of. i hope i can forgive and forget, i hope he can also do the same. our stained relationship is like a mirror, broken into a million pieces and impossible to be glued back together to show a perfect reflection. now all it can show is a distorted image of two people who loved and got hurt. reality is pessimistic but my dream is optimistic... i strongly believe that dreams do come true.
Monday, March 10, 2008
last days
Our training in cebu pacific is about to end.A mixture of excitement for the new challenges to overcome and sadness because our solid batch will now go our separate ways, congest my feelings. After standing up for each other through thick or thin for more than a month makes me wonder how i'll be able to go on without them. It saddens me to realize that our learning days together has come to an end. Each of us will establish new beginnings with our experiences together as our unshaken foundation. After this, we will move on, learn, grow and lead, but the times we've spent together will leave a deep and unfading mark in each and everyone of us. A mark that will guide us in this new world we are entering. A mark that has already made us better in every single way.
(*northpole girls*anna*kaye*cheska*jerica*)
Our uniforms and jackets (both by BENCH), strollers, hand carry bags, shoes (1 pair of walking and 1 pair of cabin HUSH PUPPIES shoes), ids, nameplates, etc. - All these had been prepared and will be given to us soon. This is it! We just have to surpass one last test, the IOE (Initial Operating Experience), the last but the deadliest. If we fail this, we have to start all over again (which i greatly pray not to happen). If we pass the IOE, we will be a full pledged Cebu Pacific Cabin Attendant.
*lord, i pray for all of us to pass this final trial. make us all capable of fulfilling the main duty of a flight attendant - safety of everyone. help us never to forget all that we've learned in this experience.bind us closer together despite the distance and time.bind us with your love and grace.thank you.*
(*northpole girls*anna*kaye*cheska*jerica*)
Our uniforms and jackets (both by BENCH), strollers, hand carry bags, shoes (1 pair of walking and 1 pair of cabin HUSH PUPPIES shoes), ids, nameplates, etc. - All these had been prepared and will be given to us soon. This is it! We just have to surpass one last test, the IOE (Initial Operating Experience), the last but the deadliest. If we fail this, we have to start all over again (which i greatly pray not to happen). If we pass the IOE, we will be a full pledged Cebu Pacific Cabin Attendant.
*lord, i pray for all of us to pass this final trial. make us all capable of fulfilling the main duty of a flight attendant - safety of everyone. help us never to forget all that we've learned in this experience.bind us closer together despite the distance and time.bind us with your love and grace.thank you.*
Saturday, March 8, 2008
a happy me
2008 is a lucky year for me (Chinese horoscopes/yr of rat-im slowly becoming a fan.hehe) - except for love life(boo). im close to having a work that i will definitely love and will open new doors for me, and my family has been very supportive this year. i have grown socially, still am struggling emotionally but totally kewl about it, and my faith has never been this profound. I am so proud of what i have become despite the mishaps i have experienced. maybe it's because i am an optimist so i always see the brighter side of things even if it is nearly engulfed by darkness. if you happen to see me, you will experience and see a happy me. *thank you lord*
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