a broken mirror

for a long time i've been pretending that deep inside someone truly cared about me. defending and justifying his actions were what i did even if i knew better . he never really said that he loved me, he was just trying to be nice... too bad i assumed it was love he was showing. all i did was assume. unlucky me, i misunderstood. stupid me, i gave him all. i loved. i loved deeply and all i gained was mountains of hurt and pain. i couldn't really blame him because it was i who was foolish. it was i who trusted easily. it was i who was blinded. he's just a typical guy, trying to please, trying to be nice, trying to befriend. and i was just a typical girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

Many times i have tried to surpass this love-black hole but a black hole is a black hole. nothing escapes it, not even the light you try to envelope yourself with. i guess i will carry this burdensome feeling forever; but i still hope these feelings of angst and hate towards him will change back into love and friendship. i don't like suppressing feelings of anger but that is all i can do because if i tell him, i will engrave in him more pain. I hurt him many times already with my sharp words, sometimes they are unjustifiable because i'm unable to explain what it is that i really feel. every time we talk, we end up pointing fingers as to whose fault it was. we highlight each other's mistakes and we never resolved anything.

i just hope that the next time i see him all these will change. i hope we can have pleasant, sincere conversations because this is all that i dream of. i hope i can forgive and forget, i hope he can also do the same. our stained relationship is like a mirror, broken into a million pieces and impossible to be glued back together to show a perfect reflection. now all it can show is a distorted image of two people who loved and got hurt. reality is pessimistic but my dream is optimistic... i strongly believe that dreams do come true.